Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Fat Girl, Slim

I have no idea why I'm writing this.

My first thought was that I would tell people all about my great weight loss journey once I reached my goal... but then my goals changed (that, and I'm so not to that original goal weight... not YET, anyway).

You see, BC (that's "Before Children"), I stood 5'8" (or somewhere close to that) and fluctuated between 145-155 pounds.  I always dreamed of getting back there.  I'm not sure why I ever decided that those particular numbers on my scale would make me happy, but somehow I had convinced myself that if I could ever make it happen, I should.  So, I started dieting.  Actually, I've been "dieting" my whole life, but after gaining 105 pounds from conception to delivery with my first child, dieting became almost like a game for me- a way of life.

So how many diets have I tried?  I lost count.  Seriously.  I can tell you that I successfully started every fad diet that was ever once popular.  I lost tons... and then drove through Chick-Fil-A and gained it all back.

My adult life, as I remember it, has been like one long weight-loss infomercial... on repeat.

Before I met my husband, I was in desperate need of affection, attention, approval.  My parents had divorced and both married different spouses.  There was nothing in my life that I could control- except my weight.  So when I wanted to punish myself, I would eat- almost as if to say "Okay, fattie.  You'll never be good enough now!"  And when I was sad, I would eat.  And when I was happy, I would eat.  I'm an eater- that's just what we do.

Seriously...  if I wasn't typing this right now, I'm pretty sure I'd be subconsciously consuming the sugar that we don't keep in the house, as a rule, but that somehow managed to find its way into my children's Christmas stockings... Santa?

I digress.

For nearly 33 years, I saw food as punishment and as a prize.  I had a negative view of food and as a result, my body is suffering lasting consequences.  Over the years, I've dealt with ADHD (still wrestle with this), migraines, stomach issues, food sensitivities, depression, and so much more.  I've had achy joints and fatigue with no hope for improvement.

Several years ago (this would be PC- post childbirth- on the timeline), a doctor told me I was morbidly obese.  Seriously.  "Morbidly" obese.  As in- you'll die if you don't lose weight.  Die.

Say Wha???  Die?  But I DIEt all of the time!  And those "diets" were killing me.

Hippocrates said "Let your food be your medicine and your medicine be your food."  Hippocrates was a wise man, indeed.  I'll share more about this in posts to come.

Although I'm not at my intended "goal weight", I'm currently about 85 pounds lighter than I was when I was at my heaviest.  That being said, I guess I feel like I don't want to wait until I reach my goals to start sharing.  If my journey can encourage or inspire even one person, then I'll keep sharing because although this may not be the magic weight loss answer you were looking for, the things I will share here can potentially, radically change your life as they did, mine- from the inside out.

So here we are.  My newest blog.


The fat girl, slim.

1 comment:

  1. So much of this is me. Please keep sharing because I'm trying again too!!